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Author Topic: The Statues  (Read 2322 times)

Offline Bill

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The Statues
« on: October 31, 2001, 08:49:00 AM »
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

 "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

 The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

 "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.

 Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."  

Offline Bill

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The Statues
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2001, 08:02:00 AM »
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

 Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

 We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

 Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

 Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

Offline Shadowcrafter

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The Statues
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2001, 11:20:00 AM »
No wonder finding a good man is like being struck by lightning, they are all out hiding their money as well as themselves lol.

[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Shadowcrafter ]
I can't but help to darken
your doorstep, I'm a Shadow.

Offline Bill

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The Statues
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2001, 12:21:00 PM »
you got that right!